Yesterday was a tough one. As we were walking off to school, Lydia started getting nervous. The walk was a stilted one and came to a complete halt in the woods. I got her that far but could move her no further. I finally broke down and called Ed for help. Luckily his office was a stones throw.
I heard the school bell ring in the background and knew that it was only going to get more awkward for her at this point. How humiliating to have to walk into a space you feared, with dried tears, puffy eyes and terror all over your face. I was angry, but I understood. After deliberating for a bit we told her this was her one turn and that tomorrow(today) she would return to school on her own or be carried in.
It was a very very long day at home. She did well, there was no t.v. during school hours and she entertained herself.
This morning Ed has meetings from 7:30 until 9:30, and we all(including Lydia) know that I cannot carry her. But she was great. We talked last night about how I wear Mama Bea's ring and what it means to me. She started looking for something she could wear with the same purpose and found a bracelet that her daddy brought her from one of his trips. When it was time to leave she started looking for more. I took her in my bathroom and dabbed her tiny wrists with my patchouli oil. I got her to the front door and kissed her palms so they would stay kissed, and out the door we went.
I told her last night that I would leave Ayla at home so that I could walk her in as far as she needed me too. As we started up the hill she faltered, I said "I spy..." and then we were off! The game didn't last long but we talked about how we are going away for a night for my birthday, which of course in turn, began a conversation about her birthday, she wants to swim with whales. And from there she started to tell me how long whales and dolphins can hold there breath and how deep they swim.
We made it through the woods without a pause, I could see the playground and hear the kids, I felt a little panic in my gut, fearing she would balk, we kept walking and went all the way into the center! And there we stood, only talking a little, looking for her friends, though she didn't feel ready to run off. So we stayed until the bell rang, there were other Mom's too, standing and talking. Lydia and I were in our own little bubble. When the bell rang, she turned to me, said I love you, and with not much fear showing, kissed me as she went to school.
I heard the school bell ring in the background and knew that it was only going to get more awkward for her at this point. How humiliating to have to walk into a space you feared, with dried tears, puffy eyes and terror all over your face. I was angry, but I understood. After deliberating for a bit we told her this was her one turn and that tomorrow(today) she would return to school on her own or be carried in.
It was a very very long day at home. She did well, there was no t.v. during school hours and she entertained herself.
This morning Ed has meetings from 7:30 until 9:30, and we all(including Lydia) know that I cannot carry her. But she was great. We talked last night about how I wear Mama Bea's ring and what it means to me. She started looking for something she could wear with the same purpose and found a bracelet that her daddy brought her from one of his trips. When it was time to leave she started looking for more. I took her in my bathroom and dabbed her tiny wrists with my patchouli oil. I got her to the front door and kissed her palms so they would stay kissed, and out the door we went.
I told her last night that I would leave Ayla at home so that I could walk her in as far as she needed me too. As we started up the hill she faltered, I said "I spy..." and then we were off! The game didn't last long but we talked about how we are going away for a night for my birthday, which of course in turn, began a conversation about her birthday, she wants to swim with whales. And from there she started to tell me how long whales and dolphins can hold there breath and how deep they swim.
We made it through the woods without a pause, I could see the playground and hear the kids, I felt a little panic in my gut, fearing she would balk, we kept walking and went all the way into the center! And there we stood, only talking a little, looking for her friends, though she didn't feel ready to run off. So we stayed until the bell rang, there were other Mom's too, standing and talking. Lydia and I were in our own little bubble. When the bell rang, she turned to me, said I love you, and with not much fear showing, kissed me as she went to school.
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